When I’m transferred to Okinawa this summer, Ben will come along, but at our expense because the Defense of Marriage Act prohibits him from being listed officially as my spouse or dependent. We filmed this video a couple months ago for Freedom to Marry to talk about how DOMA affects us.
[Update: a version of this letter was published in the Marine Corps Times, 15 April 2013.]
Serving my country as a United States Marine has been and continues to be the greatest privilege and honor of my life. In just a few short months my commitment to defending our nation will take me to my next duty station in Okinawa, Japan. I have a lot to do between now and then, not the least of which is graduating from Expeditionary Warfare School at Marine Corps University, but no doubt my personal priority is getting married to the love of my life, Ben. Continue reading “Why DOMA needs to go… Now.”
Ben and I recently recorded a video about the challenges we will face as a military family under the Defense of Marriage Act. You can watch it here:
The video was released in conjunction with a report by Katie Miller, which you can read here.
Ben and I told our story as part of the StoryCorps Military Voices Initiative and posted it on our wedding blog.
Anyone who knows me also knows that I’m self-confident. I’m intelligent, I’m honest (sometimes brutally), and I will sacrifice anything–short of my integrity–for people and causes who need my help. I am willing to learn, I challenge people, and I expect people to challenge me in return, because I know the result will be better and clearer understanding. These things make me who I am, and they make me a good Marine. In fact, they make me good at just about everything I do, and they are the same things that drive me to work harder, do more, and push those around me to do the same. Even equipped with this knowledge of myself, I struggle to maintain the level of strength it takes to meet the challenges I face on a daily basis as an openly gay Marine.
Such a wonderful night for us, and it’s received so much attention on Facebook (here and here), Reddit, imgur, BuzzFeed, Gawker, and Towleroad! Really, the only thing on my mind was making it a memorable and unforgettable night for Ben. Thank you all for the well wishes!!
In May 2013, I will finish my assignment at Marine Corps University and execute orders to my next duty station. I am hoping to be assigned to Japan, but this is going to bring with it many challenges in terms of my relationship with Ben. We are going to document all of the work as we face this challenge, to include people we talk to, the documents we need, the legal issues we will face with DOMA, and post some tips for those who will inevitably follow in our path later. I’ll be tagging those posts specially so you can find them at a glance, and Ben will even be writing some. Stay tuned to follow the tales of our (mis)adventures!
My big coming out was at the Pentagon last June at the first official LGBT Pride Month event. You can check out the video at C-SPAN (my part begins at 36:20). Still, on this day, I thought I would take a minute to express my pride in those fellow service members–both LGBT and our straight allies–who express their support for equality.
I will also take a brief moment to encourage those who are on the fence to come out. It’s a personal decision, to be sure, but it’s a decision that is based on integrity rather than fear. Coming out is not only personally liberating, but it’s an inspiration to those around you who need to know that we’re here, in every community, in every family, and deserve exactly the same rights to live our lives and pursue our dreams.
This week I will relinquish command of my company in preparation of my move to the East Coast for my next assignment as a student at the Expeditionary Warfare School in Quantico, Virginia. As I prepare to move, I have taken some time to reflect on my year in command and think about what will come next.
In the locker room at my office the other day, an unused locker’s doors were open, and I saw a bumper sticker that was affixed to one of the doors. It said, “Keep the Queens Out of the Marines.” I’ve never referred to myself as a queen. It’s not that I don’t like it, I just don’t relate to the term. I understand that some gays do, but not all of us. Nevertheless, in that moment, I was a queen, and I was unwelcome.